Can you see my pain?
by thatbadgirllovesme
Summary: After Eric finds Alan attempting suicide, he wants to take a look into his past. With help from the Undertaker, he will go back in time and befriend the suicidal boy while also finding out the horrible sin committed by the brunette that made him a reaper. Warnings inside.
1. Chapter 1

**AUTHOR NOTES:**

**Forgive me if my writing sucks, I am so used to RPing on a phone for so long that my writing skills have dropped in the past year.**

**WARNINGS: Blood and suicide attempt.**

* * *

Chapter 1

Eric had just finished collecting the souls that were supposed to cure Alan of his disease, even though it was told to be a hoax he would try anything for his lover.

"150 souls…" he muttered to himself. He just collected 150 souls and was now at 680. He sighed. _"This ain't gonna be enough to save Alan." _He thought to himself as he headed back to his apartment which he and Alan were staying at together.

Before he left to go collect souls, he noticed Alan was acting differently lately and even looked different than usual. He wasn't very talkative, he didn't nag Eric for walking around the house in his underwear with the curtains open. He kind of kept his head down the whole morning and spoke quietly, he didn't even eat half of his breakfast. He had been like this for a week and Eric was beyond worried but every time he tried to confront Alan about the matter, Alan would just say he felt sick. Because of the lack of eating, Alan has also become skinnier. Eric offered things to try to cheer Alan up but Alan was too stubborn to go along with anything Eric said.

He had also begun to realize that Alan wouldn't take his clothes off in front of Eric anymore. This was weird, especially after what they did with each other a couple of times.

Eric walked into the apartment complex and up the 6 flights of stairs. The apartment didn't have any elevators so he was forced to carry his scythe up the stairs which isn't that bad except for the fact that Eric Slingby was lazy.

When he got to their apartment the door was locked so he had to take out his keys and unlock the door, however the chain was on the door.

"Alan!" he called "Can you unlock the chain on the door?"

No response. He figured he was sleeping or doing some paperwork in the bedroom so he couldn't hear him.

Eric grabbed the chain with his hand and broke it off then went inside and looked around. "Alan?" he went down the hallway "Uh…the chain was already broken, I swear." He lied, knowing Alan would nag him about how they didn't have enough money to get a new one.

It was quiet. Did Alan go out?

"Al-" then something caught Eric's attention. Was it the smell of…blood? Yes! It was! Eric knew that smell too well.

"Alan!?" he yelled in a very worried tone. He ran through the apartment and checked the rooms "Alan!? Where are you!" he ran to the bathroom and ran into the door, ignoring the pain in his face he tried twisting the knob but it didn't open. It was locked.

Eric backed up and rammed right into the door, putting all the impact on his shoulder. The door broke off the top 2 hinges and flung open, it hung on the bottom hinge, pieces of the door broke into pieces on the floor. Eric was greeted by a big strong whiff of blood.

There was a large puddle of blood that took up a good bit of the cramped bathroom, a few little razors floating in the puddle, but that wasn't the first thing that Eric saw. He couldn't miss the skinny little brunette hanging over the side of the bathtub with an empty pill bottle in his hands and wrists slashed.

"Alan!" he picked up Alan who was unresponsive. The first thing Eric checked were Alan's wrists, the thorns would be attacking the wounds instead of the prescriptions. Sure enough, the thorns were making their way out of Alan's wrists and grabbing onto Eric.

"GAH!" Eric yelled, shaking the thorns off of him. He took his jacket off and used it to apply pressure to the wounds and try to stop the bleeding but it provided little help. He searched his pocket for his cell phone. "Damn it. Where'd I put that…" after finding his cell phone in his large wallet he took it out and immediately called 911.

* * *

Everything was dark, pitch black. Alan was surrounded by utter darkness and the annoying sound of something beeping. Then he realized he wasn't surrounded by darkness, he was in a heavy sleep. He heard a mutter.

"…n…ln…Alan…."

Someone was calling his name.

"_No. I don't want to wake up."_

"…an…Alan! Alan!"

He groaned and opened his eyes halfway, they felt heavy. His vision was blurry but he could make out 2 figures above him. The ceiling was moving fast and the object he was laying on was hard, there was a light flashing in his eyes and a man yelling his name. He didn't recognize the voice then he realized it was one of the figures yelling it. The 2 figures were doctors from what he could see. He looked down and saw a thin white sheet covering him, the sheet had heavy spots of dark blood on it.

"Stay with us Alan." one of the doctors said.

"Alan!" that was Eric's voice.

Alan looked around for Eric but couldn't find him.

"Er…" He wanted to see his Eric and tell him why he did what he did. Why he tried to take his own life. And that was when Alan lost consciousness again.

"Alan! Alan please...!" Eric's voice pleaded. His voice sounded hurt and utterly scared.

Alan opened his eyes, enough to see Eric and a doctor standing beside the bed. He was too weak to groan, he felt utterly sick to his stomach. It was probably from taking all those pills...

"Alan, can you hear me!?" Eric yelled. He grabbed Alan's hand and put it up to his cheek "It's me, Eric!"

Alan looked at his hand that was now resting on Eric's cheek, his wrists were heavily bandaged. There were IVs in his arms and he was wearing a breathing tube, dressed in the hospital gown. "E-Eric..." he stuttered.

Eric sighed in relief "Yes, it's me." he kissed Alan's head.

The doctor checked his clipboard "Excuse me, I have another patient to attend to." and left the room.

Alan looked up at Eric as if in a daze.

Eric lowered Alan's hand onto the bed and ran his hand through his hair, messing up his corn fields a bit. Alan sat up.

"They kinda had to put a tube down your throat to-"

"Why did you save me?"

Eric was shocked by Alan's question. Why did he save him? Well there were multiple reasons.

"What do ya mean?" Eric asked a little dumbfounded "Because I love ya of course."

"That's not what I meant!" Alan snapped. "I meant, why didn't you let me die!"

The older reaper stared at the younger, he felt his eyes widen as Alan's eyebrows furrowed in anger but also pain. He stood there and stared at the brunette for what seemed like the longest time. "Alan..."

The brunette looked away "I just...don't want to live anymore. I never did. When I died I thought that was it, I wouldn't have to feel pain anymore. But I came back as a reaper. It's not something I asked for, or wanted for that matter."

"But why?" Alan looked at Eric who calmly looked back "Why do you want to end your life so badly?"

There were so many reasons why Alan wanted to end his life. The main reason being his past.

"Alan, answer me." Eric said rather firmly. He had the right to know why his boyfriend was going to extreme lengths to end his life and Alan knew this.

The younger reaper mumbled "You don't know my past."

"Huh?"

"You don't know my past!" Alan yelled. "You don't know what i went through, how I was treated, the names I was called! You don't even know how I died or the sin I committed to become a reaper!"

He was right. Eric didn't know how Alan died. He always thought Alan was innocent but now that Alan brought it to his attention, every reaper had to commit a horrible sin in life to become a reaper. It was pretty much the same thing as getting sent to hell and working for Satan himself.

But what sin did Alan commit? He couldn't have committed abortion, he was a male. He couldn't have committed any abuse or neglect, that just wasn't Alan. This was making Eric unbelievably curious.

Alan laid back down and pulled the blanket over his head, a sign that Eric should let him sleep. Eric took the blanket off of Alan's head and kissed it "I love you my sweet shinigami." he said gently.

Alan felt a blush creep it's way onto his face.

Once Alan fell asleep Eric left, promising himself he would be right back. He had an idea. He knew Alan wasn't going to share his past with him so Eric was going to take matters into his own hands and pay a visit to the Undertaker.

* * *

Eric went into the Undertaker's shop. "Yo, Undertaker? You here, man?" if old man William knew how he addressed the Undertaker, he would give Eric a boat load of overtime. Even though the Undertaker doesn't care how he is addressed.

There was a cackle from a coffin. a pale, bony hand with long black finger nails appeared out of the coffin and opened the coffin door. The Undertaker stepped out, smile and everything.

"Huhuhu~ It's been a while since I have had the privilege to talk to you, shinigami Eric Slingby.

"Yeah..." Eric scratched the back of his neck "Hey, you got anything that can take me back to when Alan was alive?"

"Huhu~ as a matter of fact, I _do."_ The grey haired reaper, smile never fading from his face, went to the back room and came back out with a vile, giving it to Eric. "The effects will only last for a couple of days."

"Yeah tha-" Eric went to grab the vile but the Undertaker held it away. "Right," Eric mumbled "You need a joke."

"That's right. huhuhu~ Give me a good one."

Eric tried to think. He remembers something that happened in college that everyone told none stop for a whole semester. What was it...?

"Alright. I got one. There was a bi polar chick from college. She broke into some girl's house and kissed her. The bipolar girl shoved a spoon up her own vagina and blamed it on the girl. The cops came and took the spoon for observation."

Eric didn't even finish the story before the Undertaker burst into laughs.

"BWAHAHA!" The Undertaker laughed like a hyena then gave Eric the vile "I guess you better be on your way."

"Yep. Thanks old man."and he left looking at the vile.

_"I guess I'm supposed to drink this."_

He examined the vile before opening it and chugging it down. It was bitter tasting with a sour after taste. Eric didn't like it at all and almost spit it out.

He stood there for what seemed like forever before everything, the building, the roads, the pedestrians broke like a big puzzle, and everything turned white. Eric could feel himself begin to float. He was surrounded by whiteness. Pretty soon, Eric appeared in a very old town. It looked a lot like Cumberland in the United States. The roads were made of bricks, the houses were huge and either falling apart or remodeled.

There was the sound of a school bell. Eric looked towards the school at the teenagers coming out of the building.

Then he saw him.

A skinny little brunette dressed in black, his head was kept down as if protecting himself.

Alan.

* * *

**AUTHOR'S NOTES**

**Sorry if Undertaker was a little OOC. Sorry if anyone was OOC. **

**I should be updating the next chapter very soon. First I need to work on another fanfic I promised my followers on tumblr. **

**I AM SO SORRY FOR THE VAGINA JOKE! THAT WAS ACTUALLY BASED ON A TRUE STORY! IT HAPPENED TO MY FRIEND IN SOPHOMORE YEAR! I shouldn't be putting ANYMORE jokes like that in this fanfic. I AM SO SORRY FOR THAT!**

**The next chapter will involve bullying. **

**Also, I know they didn't have cell phones in London back in the 1800s but I am also putting cars in the next chapter so just deal with it a little, ok?**

**Thanks for reading the first chapter! **


	2. Chapter 2

**AUTHOR'S NOTES:**

**I was really happy with the reviews on the first chapter so I made a second chapter. I hope you like **

**Again, sorry for the vagina joke, it was all I could think of. I hope I haven't offended anybody from it, I haven't got any messages saying I have so that's good.**

**In this chapter, Alan's older brother and sister will be introduced. Don't worry, they won't play a big part in the story. This chapter is mainly just listing all the fucked up shit that Alan is going through. **

*****WARNINGS: Bullying, Hints of Self Harming, Hints Of Molestation, Language**

**I do NOT promote bullying in any way. Bullying is BAD. **

**Alan may be OOC because of all the pain and anger he has in him.**

* * *

CHAPTER 2

"_Alan…" _Eric thought as he stared at the brunette, it was a bit hard to make out exactly who it was but that skinny figure couldn't be missed.

Alan was about 16. He had long bangs that hung in his face, he was wearing a pair of black skinny jeans with a hole in one of the knees, he had a great big oversized black and white striped sweater that slipped down his shoulders revealing the strap of an XS black tank top and some little cuts on the crook of his neck. He didn't have any glasses on, he didn't need them as a human, and his eyes were a golden brown color when he looked up.

As he made his way slowly down the steps of the school, keeping his head down as he did so, he was hit in the chest by another boy that was running up the steps. Alan's body was thrown back a little, but he made no attempt to block the next boy who shoved him aside as he was coming down the stairs and 2 guys that kind of hit him back and forth before running off. It was as if Alan didn't notice them. Alan made his way down the sidewalk, having an empty soda can kicked at the back of his head.

"Where you goin' fag!" called the boy responsible for the can.

Some people stopped and giggled or laughed at the scene. Alan didn't turn around when he replied "Home." in a quiet tone.

A sarcastic "Mm-hm." was heard from the boy. The boy's friends went on either side of Alan and stopped right in front of him so he couldn't go anywhere. Alan glanced up at them then back to the ground.

"Excuse m-" he tried to walk by them but was greeted to a punch in the gut, causing Alan to fall back slightly.

As Eric watched the scene he couldn't help but feel like he should help, but another side of him said that Alan needed to fight his own battles. He couldn't believe how much different Alan looked now could he believe the fact he was letting himself get bullied like this. Just because he was gay? Was that really such a big deal? So Alan liked guys, so what? Eric liked guys and when people confronted him about it in high school he really didn't give a fuck. Eric never understood why homosexuality was frowned upon in society, he thought it was stupid that guys couldn't like other guys or girls couldn't love other girls.

Besides, even if he did try to help, he could get in trouble because he was obviously an adult and not a teenager. Then he would never find out Alan's sin, he was just going to have to stand and watch.

"Why don't you just kill yourself?" a younger boy said.

"Yeah," his girlfriend chimed in "Or are you too pussy to do it?"

Soon, everyone was saying nasty comments to Alan and calling him names.

"Useless!"

"Worthless!"

"Kill yourself!"

"No one likes you!"

"Fat!"

"Ugly!"

"You look like a girl!"

"Emo!"

Alan covered his ears and kept his head down so nobody saw the tears escape his eyes.

Now Eric knew why Alan has so many emotional problems. He was dealing with _this_ his whole life. He couldn't go to school and learn without getting picked on because of his sexual orientation.

"_Fight back Alan." _Eric encouraged in his head _"I've seen what you can do. Show them they can't do this to you!"_

Little did most people know, Alan was a good ass fighter if he was provoked enough. Eric has seen it, so has William, Ronald and Grell because at one point Alan got tired of Grell picking on him for the way he looked and he attacked Grell with no warning. Let's just say that was the last time Grell said anything negative to Alan.

A vehicle was making it's way down the road. One of the friends smirked and whispered to the second one. The second one smiled and nodded, then pointed to the vehicle. "You see that vehicle?" he hit Alan in the shoulder "I dare you to go jump out in front of it." Some people encouraged this.

Alan looked at the oncoming vehicle. It seemed like a good idea, I mean, he wanted to die anyways.

"Unless your too pussy, homo." Said a brunette with her hair dyed blonde.

Alan put his bag down and stood on the side of the road. Eric felt his heart stop. _"No Alan!"_

Once the vehicle was close enough, Alan quickly ran into the middle of the street, right in front of the moving vehicle.

There was the sound of screeching tires. The vehicle came to a complete stop but not after it struck Alan in the hip and sent him over the roof of the car and falling beside the vehicle.

"Alan!" Eric yelled as everyone laughed and went back to their normal lives. Eric was about to run to make sure he was okay, but a tall girl with long brunette hair and big brown eyes ran to Alan and helped him stand.

"Alan!" she yelled in surprise and fear as she helped Alan. Eric wondered just who this girl was exactly and then came the answer "Are you hurt!? Your hip, how is it!?"

Alan weakly got to his feet holding his hip. "I'm fine, sis…I'm sure it's just a bruise."

Oh, so this was his older sister.

"Please don't do that again. You need to stop listening to people! What if-"

"Nice one little brother." came a sarcastic remark form a tall, muscular guy with short blonde hair, brown eyes and a green sweatshirt. He had the smuggest grin on his face.

"Fuck you, Sam." The girl glared at him "Leave Alan alone, he's dealing with enough shit."

Sam shrugged "Hey, if he wants to kill himself then he has the right to do that. No one cares about him anyways, Alice."

Alan put his head down again "Hello Sam…" he greeted quietly.

Eric didn't know Alan even _had _siblings. He didn't know he had an older sister or brother. But by the way Sam is treating him, he guessed Alan never really wanted to talk about it.

"Fuck off Sam. " Alice said before putting an arm around Alan and walking away.

Sam shrugged and yelled "Hey! Don't blame me because of the fact that he likes being touched by other guys!"

Alan immediately stopped in his tracks and hid him face in his hands, shoulders shaking. Alice held her brother close. "Shut up Sam! You're the most perverted, evil being I have ever met! You don't do that to your little brother! An older sibling is supposed to protect their younger sibling not traumatize them for life! He gets enough abuse from dad at the house! We all do! So just leave him alone!" she quickly took Alan around the waist and took him home.

Eric followed trying to piece everything together.

Alan was bullied because of his sexual orientation, his older sister, Alice, loved him and looked out for him, his older brother, Sam, molested him, his father abused him and maybe his brother and sister, Alan was homosexual and still is, Alan was suicidal and still is, and judging by the cuts on Alan's neck and shoulders, he also self harmed. Eric wasn't sure if Alan still did that or not.

Eric knew one thing though.

He didn't want to see anymore.

* * *

Alice took Alan to his room, which was not much different from a closet. The room was maybe 4-8 square feet. The bed was nothing more than a mattress with broken springs in it, it was pushed up against the only window that shined light into the room. The closet within the room was so small that not even a small child could fit itself in there. Then there was a dresser that seemed to take up the whole room pretty much. There were black clothes thrown on the floor, and a broken television. There were holes in the walls from constant battles with Sam and his father. Not to mention the room smelled bad form mold growing on the ceiling.

Eric was sitting in a tree right outside the window. It was open to air out the awful mildew smell so he could hear everything that was said and he could see through the curtain blinds so he could also see Alan sitting on his bed with his sweater off. He especially saw the deep cuts and scars running up and down Alan's arms. Eric looked away and avoided stopping his gaze on those arms. It broke his heart to see his lover in so much pain.

When he and Alice got home, they were greeted to their hollering father. Alan always remembers what his dad yells, especially if it's towards Alan himself.

"Why do you help your gay brother!" his dad yelled at Alice.

"Because he's my brother and he is on the verge of killing himself." she stated as if it were obvious.

"Well that makes you a lesbian!"

That is when Alice rolled her eyes and took Alan upstairs.

Now Alan was sitting there on his bed while his sister was trying to clean up his room a bit.

"You don't have to do that." Alan told Alice quietly.

"Yes I do." Alice stated "A messy environment is a cause of depression."

"Yeah but..." Alan stood, which wasn't a good idea on his part.

He had his sweater resting on his lap, when he stood he knocked the sweater onto the floor and a pack of cigarettes flew out of the pocket of the sweater. Before Alan had a chance to grab them, Alice snatched them up. "These aren't good for your cancer you know."

"I know..."_ "That's why I use them."_

This wasn't news to Eric, he had known Alan was diagnosed with lung cancer when he was alive, he just didn't know what caused it. Now he knows. The idiot brunette smoked.

Alice sighed and put them in her pocket. "Look, I know you have it rough, but remember when mom told the cops on Sam and we got a trial-"

"And Sam only got a few days in jail because I am gay and the jury thought since I am gay I liked it?"

Alice was quiet. That was true. Even though Alan wasn't the defendant of the court, the jury certainly treated him like he was and treated Sam like royalty.

"I'm going downstairs to eat. Do you want me to steal you anything?"

"No." Alan stretched, his tank top going up to reveal a few cuts on his belly. "I think I'm going to go to my safe place and find something to eat there."

Alice grew a worried look on her face. She didn't know where this 'safe place' was or what Alan does there. But judging by the fresh marks on his skin it can't be all that safe. Not to mention that was probably the place he was getting the cigarettes from. "Ok..." she said very unsurely. She kissed her brother on the head and left the room, making sure to close the door behind her.

Alan frowned. He didn't like being treated like a child especially by his sister.

He put his school book bag on his back, making sure to take it with him so Sam didn't burn his homework or drown it in the sink again. Alan left his room as Eric jumped out of the tree and hid by the side of the house. Alan quietly made his way downstairs and peered over the railing of the stairs at his family. His sister was getting vegetables for herself, Sam was eating like the fat ass he was, and his mother was eating quietly.

_"I hate every one of them." _Alan thought bitterly to himself. He quietly made his way out the front door and walked to the bar with Eric following close behind wondering how he was going to approach Alan.

* * *

**AUTHOR'S NOTES:**

**What do you think? Too much angst?**

**I feel like I made Alan OOC…and Eric too…I was supposed to make Alan full of angst and hatred but I feel like I just made him OOC...**

**Anyway, I feel like I tortured Alan in this chapter a little too much. Poor Alan. I'm sorry Eric didn't have a lot of lines in this. I promise the next chapter will be different.**

***** Eric will introduce himself to Alan in the next chapter so don't worry, the next chapter shouldn't be this angsty. **

*****Reviews help!**


	3. Chapter 3

**AUTHOR'S NOTES:**

**Eric will introduce himself to Alan in this chapter as I have promised. **

*****WARNINGS: Language, Smoking**

**I actually didn't fully think about this that much before writing it so let's see how this goes. **

**DISCLAIMER: I do NOT own Kuroshitsuji or any of it's characters. All credit goes to Yana Toboso.**

* * *

CHAPTER 3

Alan made his way into a little run down bar at the corner of town. A prostitute was standing right outside giving Alan the eye, which of course Alan ignored as he went inside. Eric went in after him and sat at a table pretending to be a random guy casually visiting the bar for a drink or two.

Alan walked up behind the bar to the manager of the establishment, his name tag said 'Rick' he was young, about 23, 24 years old. He smiled at Alan and shook his hand. "Hey Alan." He said "How was school?"

"Oh, well…you know…"

"Right," he said, understanding how it was for Alan. "I got your dinner in the back, wait here for a minute." Alan nodded and waited while Rick went in the back.

Eric examined Alan closely. At least he ate. He wondered how Alan was able to talk the manager into making him dinner, was this an every night thing? Was the food delicious? Was the food edible and safe to eat? Did Alan have to pay for such services?

Eric knew that Alan was still attractive even with all those cuts and the incredibly oversized sweater. Some people may think otherwise but to Eric he thought Alan was beautiful. He just wished he could see Alan smile.

Alan turned and looked at Eric then immediately turned away as if he saw something he shouldn't have. Eric was about to question Alan's reaction but then remembered he didn't exactly seem like the nicest guy with his piercings and the way he was dressed. Eric stood just as Rick came out and gave Alan a brown paper bag meal. Alan thanked Rick and went up to the second story of the bar.

"_Damn it Alan, quit movin' around so I can talk to ya." _Eric thought as he went up after Alan.

The brunette went into a room and shut the door behind him and locked it. Eric walked up to the door of the room and put his ear against it to see if he could hear anything Alan was doing, then he realized there was a hole in the door. He crouched down so he could peek in the hole.

The sweater was laying on the floor and Alan was just taking off his tank top revealing a bony chest. Why were the parents allowing Alan, someone who has serious lung cancer, go off by himself? Did they just not care? Alan ran a hand through his hair and sighed. He then went into another room, preferably the bathroom, and Eric could hear the sound of running water and splashing. He knew Alan was washing his face. Eric decided to take his chance. He picked the lock on the door and went in, closing the door quietly behind him as not to alarm the skinny brunette. He peeked in the bathroom seeing Alan washing his face, little drops of water dripping from his features. Eric smiled to himself, admiring the way Alan looked. Sure, he had feminine features, but Eric loved every little thing about Alan.

Alan lifted his face up to look in the mirror then grabbed his tank top and used that to dry his face. While he did this, Eric was busy examining the room.

Unlike Alan's bedroom at his house, this room had no mold or mildew. The floor boards were old and some were broken off leaving huge holes in the floor. Eric could see the bar downstairs if he looked in one. The two windows were horrible cracked in many different places, the wall paper was peeling away. However, the bed was an actual bed and the mattress was decent. Eric guessed Alan stayed here instead of at his house. This really did seem like a safe place compared to Alan's house. It was a little cold though…and by a little I mean it was freezing. Eric guessed Alan had to pay for the heating of his own room.

How did Alan even earn money? There's no way he is employed.

There was a soft gasp behind Eric. He turned around and saw Alan standing there like a frightened deer in headlights, he was hugging his sweater and tank top close to him. He took a step back away from Eric.

"Wait, Alan." Eric began calmly but didn't have enough time to say anything else before Alan yelled "Get out!" in obvious fear.

"Alan, listen to me-"

"How do you know my name?" Alan interrupted rather shakily. He didn't know who Eric was. He didn't know if Eric was a rapist or if he was out to get Alan or what.

"Ehh…" Eric scratched the back of his neck "Long story?"

"Get out!" Alan threw his tank top and sweater down.

"Ok, ok. I get it, ya want me out. But I'm not a bad guy." Alan held a glare at Eric, this made Eric squirm. Alan's glare was nothing to be taken lightly. When he glared, you knew you were in trouble. Eric has seen this glare too many times to not be scared of it. However, Alan was only glaring to protect himself without resorting to violence and if he called the cops they wouldn't do anything because Alan was gay. "I'm really not." Eric said truthfully. "If I was a bad guy, your little ass would be as good as mine by now, don't ya think?"

Alan's glare softened. He picked up his tank top and put it on, he was about to put on his sweater when Eric grabbed his arm. Alan looked up at Eric, his face pouted as if demanding a reason why Eric would put his hands on him.

"This," Eric traced one of the scars with his thumb. "needs to stop. It isn't good for ya and I understand what yer going through."

Alan just looked at him through his bangs. _He knew. _The fuck did he know? He didn't know anything…right? Alan pulled his arm back and put his sweater on. "You don't know anything."

Eric saw what was happening. Alan was too afraid to let his walls down. Perhaps this wasn't the first time someone has tried to help Alan but he just shut them out. Eric grabbed the bag meal from the bed and handed it to Alan "Eat."

"O-ok…?" Alan didn't know who this stranger was or why he was telling him what to do, but he didn't want to piss this guy off. He sat on the bed and took a sandwich out of the bag and took a bite. Eric examined the food closely, making sure there was nothing on it that would make Alan sick. He found Alan raising an eyebrow at him as he stared at his food. Eric looked away.

"Hey, how do you make money to live here?" Eric asked. He hoped it was nothing stupid like prostitution or selling drugs.

"I sell alcohol to minors."

…God damn it Alan.

"Anything else?"

"No."

Eric knew he wasn't going to find out Alan's sin anytime soon and his concern was the vile not lasting long enough for him to find out.

Eric was just going to have to be patient.

* * *

It was the middle of the night. Eric had asked Alan if he could stay overnight with him since he had nowhere else to go. He didn't have a home in this time period. Eric slept on the floor, Alan had Rick get him some sheets to sleep on but it wasn't enough to keep him warm or keep him asleep. Eric was occasionally looking up at Alan, wondering and hoping that he was warm enough.

At one point, Eric woke and sat up, wrapping the sheets around him. It must have been around 2 in the morning. He wondered if Alan would let him sleep on the bed with him, I mean, body heat was the best source of heat.

"Hey Alan." Eric said, tiredly looking over at the bed only to see it empty with the blanket pushed aside. "Alan?" Eric looked around the room and realized the window was open.

No wonder it was so cold.

Eric got up and looked out the window, finding a thin railing leading to some metal stairs that led to the roof. Was Alan on the roof?

Eric carefully climbed out the window and made his way across the railing then up the very unsteady stairs. "Alan?"

Once he got up to the roof he saw Alan sitting on the edge of the roof, legs hanging over the side of the building with his bag opened beside him. As Eric approached behind Alan, he saw that Alan was holding a cigarette in between his pointer and middle finger.

"You know that's gonna kill ya."

Alan looked back at Eric then looked down as the street "I know."

"Guess that's why ya do it, huh?"

Alan nodded and took a puff of his cigarette, receiving a hacking cough in response.

Eric was so tempted to smack the cigarette out of Alan's hand, which he did as soon as he heard that cough.

"Rude." Alan mumbled.

"How so? I might've just saved yer life."

"_Is this guy stupid? If he knows everything that has been happening to me, wouldn't he also know how much I just want to die?" _Alan frowned and looked away. "I don't seem to understand you, sir."

"Huh?"

"Why do you want to save me so badly?"

Eric sat beside Alan. "One, ya don't need to be calling me 'sir'. Call me Eric," he motioned towards himself with his thumb giving Eric one of his smiles "that's mah' name."And two, I wanna save ya cuz I care about'cha."

Alan noticed the smile that Eric made. It was cute and sexy but slightly goofy in a way. He looked back down and hid his face. "Why would you want to save a fag?"

Eric shrugged "I dunno. Cuz I like dick myself? Cuz I think yer kinda cute?"

Alan immediately lifted his eyes and looked at Eric in the most surprised expression he could ever have. "Y-you're a fag too!?" he was in utter disbelief.

"I believe the term is 'homosexual'" Eric did air quotes when he said 'homosexual'. Fag could mean a bunch of stuff. The butt of a cigarette, a pile of sticks, the perfect's servants. Oh yes, fag could mean many different things. "If yer gonna call someone a name at least do it right."

"But…!" Alan hugged his legs, about to stand until Eric grabbed his arm and kept him down. "You called me cute…!" he looked down, hiding his face again. "Y-you're lying, aren't you?"

"No. I'm pretty deathly serious." Eric winked. Alan saw the wink and kept his head down.

Eric grabbed Alan's chin and forced him to look Eric in the eyes. He had a gentle and loving look in his green eyes. Alan stared at them for what seemed like the longest time. They were shinigami green, a very odd color indeed. Alan tried to compare them with his own golden brown eyes but found that Eric's were much more unique and had about 4 or 5 different shades of green in them. Eric saw Alan staring and couldn't help but give a slight smirk. Alan tried to look away but Eric held his face firmly to keep him from looking away.

"Hey! Let go of me!"

"Nope."

Alan tried to slap Eric's hands away, when he did this Eric gave Alan a quick peck on the lips causing the brunette's face to turn into one big blush. Alan stared at Eric "W-what was that-" before Alan could finish his sentence, Eric stood up and offered his hand to Alan. Alan just looked at the hand in complete and utter confusion.

"Come on." Eric said "It's cold out here. Let's go to bed." he said, trying to get Alan to just accept the fact that he had fallen for Eric.

"What? Together?"

"Yeah together. What, I can't sleep in the same bed with another man? Besides, it's freezing on the floor and I bet it was no better on the bed for ya."

Eric was right, Alan was just as freezing as Eric was, he always is. Even if it's at his own house or the room at the bar, Alan has never had a night where he was warm. Alan nodded slightly and took Eric's. The older pulled the younger to his feet and grabbed his bag then carefully made their way back to the room. Once they were inside, Alan put the sheets on the bed and laid down as Eric was closing the window. He then got into bed with Alan and put an arm around him. Alan's instincts told him that he should punch Eric and push him away, but for now, Alan decided to let his walls drop and he snuggled into Eric's warmness.

Perhaps things were going to start to look up for him.

* * *

**AUTHOR'S NOTES:**

**What do you think? Was this chapter happier? **

*****Reviews help a lot**

**I think I am going to do more of my other fanfic, "One Hell Of A Rebel" I mean, it's got good reviews and more followers so I am going to go ahead and write a second chapter for that one. **


	4. Chapter 4

**AUTHOR'S NOTES:**

**This is going to be another slightly depressing chapter. Sorry :/ **

**It's not just because I am in an angsty mood (Which I am) but because I have pretty much planned this whole fic out so the following events were already sketched out. Since this is a sad chapter, I decided to write this when I'm depressed (Probably not the best idea) **

*****WARNINGS: Death, Self Harming, Language.**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Kuroshitsuji or its characters. All belong to Yana Toboso**

* * *

CHAPTER 4

Eric woke to the sun in his eyes and the sheets kicked off of the bed, it got rather hot for both of them so they decided to take the sheets off which wasn't the best plan considering the winter morning air was freezing even with the window down. He turned and looked at the time on his phone.

8:45am

He let out a groan wanting to sleep in more but he was more set on seeing Alan's sin. Speaking of Alan, he wasn't in bed. "Alan?" Eric got up and looked in the bathroom; there was no sign of him. This was strange; Alan was never much of a morning person. He usually got up around 10 or 11 in the morning, and if someone woke him up then he would be _very _cranky.

Eric saw that Alan had taken his bag. Did Alan ditch him? No, Eric knew what he was doing.

"_God damn it Alan!" _

Eric put his shoes on and ran out of the room, down the stairs and out of the bar. He then looked both ways of where the sidewalk went to try to determine what direction Alan went in. Eric's hunch told him Alan was selling alcohol illegally to minors like he said. He went right, hoping he was going the right way towards Alan. He was right.

Up ahead was Alan holding his bag with a cigarette in his mouth. He was switching 3 bottles of beer with what looked like a 14 year old boy and his friend who was also 14. The boys were counting their money when Eric arrived, now they were walking away with the alcohol, Alan put the money in his pocket, and walked off.

Eric missed _his_ Alan. He missed _his_ sweet shinigami. The one that would always give him hugs and kisses and occasionally hit him in the arm for saying a perverted remark that always made the little brunette blush. He especially missed his Alan. The Alan that would eat the weirdest foods in front of Eric just to creep him out.

Live Octopus tentacles. The thought made Eric shiver. Alan encouraged him to try it, which he did, and it was just plain weird. The tentacle was moving around in Eric's mouth. Alan told him to chew it up real good so the suction cups wouldn't stick to Eric's throat. He doesn't know how Alan pulls that stuff off.

Shit. He got lost in his imagination and forgot to keep an eye on _this_ Alan. Where did he go? Eric saw him walk off but he didn't see where he went.

"Alan?" He walked the way he saw Alan walk and sure enough, he found him ducking into an alley, keeping his head down "Al-"

Then Eric realized why Alan was ducking. 3 teen boys were chasing after him, they went in the alley were Alan ran in.

Alan realized quickly that he wouldn't be able to escape. This alley ended with a wall. Alan looked back at the boys who were getting closer and closer. He backed up against the wall, attempting to get away from them.

"You know why we're here Humpries." One of them said.

Alan quickly shook his head. "I-I haven't the slightest-" he was hit across the face by one of the boys.

"Relax." The one that seemed like the leader said "We know how much of a gay pussy ya are. Especially without 'Sis'"

"What do you mean?" Alan was more concentrated on how much his face hurt more than whether or not Alice was with him.

"Tch." The leader threw a camera at Alan "She's dead. Died last night."

Alan's eyes widened as he caught the camera "You're lying!" he yelled.

"See for yourself." The leader bowed and backed away, as did the other 2.

Alan turned the camera on and looked through the pictures. Every picture in there was of the same thing. Alice lying in her room, head bashed open, her brown eyes black and sunken into the back of her head. She was covered in bruises, her limbs busted and bent in different angles, cigarette burns on his neck. He knew who did this. It was his father. It had to be. No other person could give another human being as much damage as his father.

"NO!" Alan screamed "NO! Sis! Please, no!" he began crying. The camera fell from his hands and onto the ground. His hands, which were empty and shaking, punched the brick wall. There was a loud crack and Alan screamed in pain and agony as his knuckles shattered. "Why is this happening!?" he cried.

"God doesn't like fags."

"Hey."

Alan knew that voice. The boys turned around to see who the voice belonged to.

Eric stood there, cracking his knuckles. "I ain't one for pickin' on kids smaller than me, but ya three better scurry if ya wanna live. Actually…" he grabbed the leader by the hair and held him up "_You _don't get the choice."

"Ohh shiiiiit!" the other 2 screamed and ran off.

"Hey! Guys wait! Not cool! Get the cops! Get the cops!" the leader was screaming.

Eric would never hurt anyone smaller than him, but _nobody _messed with Alan and got away with it. Alan, still in tears, ran passed Eric and ran down the street. Eric looked at the boy, dropped him in a dumpster, shut and locked the lid, leaving the boy banging on the inside of the dumpster yelling for help.

Eric looked around. Alan moved fast.

"Alan!" he yelled "Where are ya! Where'd ya go!?" he ran around, looking for the little brunette. Then remembered where he would go.

The bar.

Eric made a dash for the bar, never stopping once. He ran up to the bartender "Hey! Excuse me!" he was rushed.

The bartender looked at Eric "What can I do ya for?"

"Did Alan run in here? Did he!?"

"Yeah," the bartender seemed confused "He ran upstairs, why do you-"

"Thanks." Eric ran up the stairs, taking two at a time and ran to Alan's room, only to find that it was locked. "Alan!" he backed up and rammed his shoulder into the door. The door flew open, breaking off it's hinges.

Eric had a flashback. To when he came home…

_Eric backed up and rammed right into the door, putting all the impact on his shoulder. The door broke off the top 2 hinges and flung open, it hung on the bottom hinge, pieces of the door broke into pieces on the floor. Eric was greeted by a big strong whiff of blood._

Eric tried to shake the flashback away. "Alan!"

_There was a large puddle of blood that took up a good bit of the cramped bathroom, a few little razors floating in the puddle._

"_Alan!" he picked up Alan who was unresponsive. _

The room spun, Eric yelled Alan's name again and kicked open the bathroom door.

_He couldn't miss the skinny little brunette hanging over the side of the bathtub with an empty pill bottle in his hands and wrists slashed._

Alan spun around, his black and white sweater on the floor. Pools of tears flowing from his eyes. His wrists were bleeding; the blood was dripping and forming a small puddle on the floor. Alan gasped when Eric grabbed his wrists and used the sweater to apply pressure to the wounds. His body pressed against Alan's, pinning him against the wall so he couldn't run off.

"Let go of me!" Alan yelled.

"No! I can't bear to see that image ever again, ya hear!?"

"What are you talking about, you freak!?"

Eric stared at Alan for what seemed like forever before he eased up and flashed a gentle smile "I'm the freak?" He laughed "Yer the one who eats octopus tentacles, and yer callin' me a freak?"

Alan blushed with embarrassment then he relaxed and sobbed quietly. "Alice...sis…she's…"

"Shh…" Eric held Alan close, never letting go of his wrists. "It's ok. You'll make it through."

Alan continued to cry. Eric held Alan's head close to his heart in attempt to calm him down. When Alan had a breakdown, and he listened to Eric's heartbeat, he immediately became calm. After all, he couldn't hear Eric's heartbeat if he was crying now could he?

"Shh. Ya hear that?"

Alan sniffled and took a deep breath "W-what?" he stuttered.

"That sound."

"What sound?" he whimpered.

"You'll hear it eventually." He rubbed Alan's back "Just gotta stay quiet."

Alan was quiet. He wanted to know what Eric was hearing. His eyes darted around the room, looking for the mysterious sound but his head stayed put on Eric's chest. His breathing was shallow and his shoulders were shaking. Then he heard it.

_BA-DUM…BA-DUM…BA-DUM…_

"I-I hear it!" Alan kept his ear over Eric's heart, being extremely quiet so he didn't miss a beat. "It's your heart."

Eric smiled "Yeah. That's my heart."

Alan's eyes blinked. There were no more tears coming out of them. His cheeks were dark pink from all that crying, he was making little hiccups but tried to keep them in so he could here Eric's heartbeat.

"You know," Alan began. "We kissed, and you saved me twice in the past 10 minutes, you know my name but I don't know yours." He looked up at Eric who gave him a quick peck on the lips.

"Slingby. Eric Slingby."

* * *

"So your name is Eric?" Alan asked, balancing himself on the curb on the sidewalk as he walked on it. His sweater had a big ugly blood spot on the front of it from when Eric was pressing it against Alan's wrists.

Eric nodded. "Yeah. I dunno, sounds kinda princey. I never really liked it that much."

"I like it." Alan replied with a sweet smile right before his foot slipped and he almost fell on the street if Eric had not have caught him. "Thanks..." Alan muttered.

"Yer Welcome." Eric pulled Alan to a standing position and held his hand as Alan went to balance himself on the curb that's when they heard a very angry "Hey!" behind them.

They turned around to see a very angry teenager maybe around the age of 19 stomping towards them. He had black hair that went to his jawline and over half of his face. He was dressed in worn out blue jeans and a black T-shirt with the weed symbol on it. He had bags under his eyes and he just didn't look healthy at all. Alan quickly pushed Eric away and stood on the sidewalk away from the street. Eric was confused, Alan saw his confusion out of the corner of his eye, never taking his full sight off of the stranger.

"Go away."Alan whispered.

"Why would I do that?" Eric asked. Before he got an answer, the tall male was standing right in front of them, eyeing Alan.

"What are you doing baby?" the male asked Alan who looked away. The male was also sporting a bunch of facial piercings, some of which were getting infected.

"I'm just talking to a friend Pal. Leave me alone."

Pal? Why did that name seem so familiar to Eric? He knew that name, he remembers Alan mentioning that name but he didn't know where or when.

And 'friend'? Just a friend? They kissed, Eric thought that meant something more. He guessed not.

Pal eyed Eric up and down and then gave him a glare "Who's this chump?"

Alan felt his heart skip a beat. "N-no one." he tugged on Pal's arm "Let's just go to your house, Pal. Please?" he begged.

Eric understood now. This was Alan's ex-boyfriend, the one that had serious behavioral and anger problems. He was a delinquent that Alan couldn't get away from. He remembers Alan mentioning the fact that Pal wasn't bi or homosexual in any way. He just used Alan because he knew Alan would be too scared to leave him.

Pal gave Eric a glare and roughly grabbed Alan by the arm and dragged him off like an angry mother. Alan tried to pick up hi feet as he looked back at Eric and waved goodbye, a scared but sad look on his face.

Eric suddenly got that protective feeling over Alan again. He wasn't going to let a dirty man like that put their hands on _his _beloved Alan. He went after them.

Pal was in for a rude awakening.

* * *

**AUTHOR'S NOTES:**

**What did you think? **

**Updating might take longer than usual because something happened so I get limited time on MY laptop.**

**I really didn't put much effort in the last part of this one. Sorry. And I didn't read over it to fix any errors. I'm just so depressed right now.**

*****REVIEWS HELP!**

**EDIT: Since people keep asking this, I will say this once:**

**Q: 1) Is he back the actual past, or a world made by Alan's memories?  
2) If he's in the actual past, isn't he changing it a lot?  
3) If he's in the memory world, is he changing Alan's memories, or is it just a world created by Alan's memory?  
4) Or is there another explaination (or is it just one of those go-with-it things?) **

**5) do you know your time traveler rules? I can agree that without Eric there it would change the future. How ever one must not give information that would alter the course of history...**

**A: I am a whovian so yes, I do know my time traveler rules. It is neither of these things and it is not a "go with it" thing. I will not spoil the story so you will just have to continue reading until the last chapter. These questions will be answered in the final chapter. You are going to have to hold on for a bit, ok? Thank you. Enjoy :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**AUTHOR'S NOTES:**

**Again, and this is the last time I will repeat this, this is not going to affect the future or Alan's memories in any way. You will have to wait and see what I mean in the final chapter. I'm not angry or annoyed, I just got a boat load of messages on tumblr asking about this and I **_**do not **_**want to ruin the story's ending for anyone. **

**This will be a slightly longer chapter due to the events at the end.**

**Listening to Falling in Reverse and Get Scared. Fuck yeah :D**

**This chapter may be shorter than my other ones, sorry...BY LIKE 1,500 WORDS. I'm so sorry! I didn't mean for **

****WARNINGS: Violence, Language, Sexual Theme**

*****DISCLAIMER: I do not own Kuroshitsuji or any of it's characters.**

* * *

CHAPTER 5

Alan was sitting in Pal's living room on the floor by the couch with his legs pulled to his body; Pal was holding his sweater and yelling at him about the blood. Alan, obviously paying more attention to the dirt and cocaine that was caked into the cheap carpet, heard nothing that was yelled at him.

The house was in a horrid state. Packs of cigarettes were scattered on the couch, most of them empty. Cigarette butts and ashes were in the carpet and all over the computer area. The computer area was a mess, beer and energy drink cans flooding the table in which the computer was placed on, the ceiling fan was rusted and stopped working. The coffee table that Alan was sitting in front of had rows of cocaine and 5 broken straws along with some weed wrapped in notebook paper. There were several syringes scattered on the floor and the coffee table itself.

"Are you listening to me!?" Pal yelled.

"Yes." Alan groaned very annoyed "I _heard _you." His childish attitude showing.

Big mistake. Alan's attitude earned him a slap across the face by his _current _'boyfriend'.

Eric was outside looking in the window which was cracked open so he could hear what they were saying. He wanted nothing more than to teach Pal a lesson. Alan had enough on his shoulders with cancer, losing his sister, abuse from his brother and father, abuse from kids at school, and having major depression not to mention suicidal tendencies.

Eric knew Alan liked bad boys, but Alan has also stated he really liked men who knew how to be gentle; he said it was a huge turn on. Not sexually but romantically. So Eric was pretty much Alan's ideal lover.

Eric sighed. He wanted Alan to fight his own battles but he felt so over protective of the brunette it sometimes drove Eric mad. Like right now, he wanted to do so many illegal things to Pal for his Alan but he knew he couldn't.

Pal threw Alan's sweater at him "Put it on, your fat is showing." And walked into the kitchen.

Alan said nothing as he slipped the over sized sweater back on himself, his cheek red from being slapped and his messy bangs covering more of his face than usual.

Alan tossed the bangs out of his face and took out a lighter then got a pack of cigarettes from under the couch cushion; he lit the cigarette and took a puff. He looked at the TV which was shattered, probably from a fight; he had a look on his face that Eric knew all too well. It was the look of pretending not to care but if you were able to see Alan's eyes you would see he was very distressed.

Eric was about to go in through the window, grab Alan and run before Pal got back, but to his dismay, Pal was back from the kitchen with some beer and more syringes.

Eric's eyes widened _"He better not give _any_ kind of drug to my sweet Alan!"_

"Give me your arm." Pal commanded, roughly grabbing Alan's arm, forcing his sleeve up and tying a belt too tightly around Alan's forearm.

Alan tried to pull away "W-wait!"

Pal stopped and cast a glare at Alan "What? You're sayin' we never done something like this?"

Alan was quiet for a moment. His eyes seemed to dart around the room "I don't…want to get high today." He said rather cautiously.

Eric sighed in relief; he had been holding his breath without knowing. He was a little upset that Alan was getting high with his 'boyfriend' but at least he said no this time. This showed that perhaps Alan really didn't like getting high with this man, like he was being pressured this whole time. And now that Eric has seen this 'Pal' guy, he was sure he was also the reason for Alan's smoking habit.

Pal glared "What do you mean 'you don't want to get high'?"

"I-I mean I _don't_ want to get high with you today." His voice began to shake "Or ever again."

This enraged Pal, "You sayin' your breaking up with me!?" he yelled in rage.

The tone and volume in Pal's voice made Alan jump. Alan was quiet before he decided to toughen up. He nodded "Yes. I no longer want to be in any form of relationship with you."

Pal stood. "Oh. Did the little gay slut find someone better?"

Alan didn't know if he should stand or just stay seated, he chose to just stay still as he looked up at Pal. "That's right. The slut did find someone better and that someone wants the slut to live." Now he stood. "And I am not a slut. I am a human being. I am not working the corners, I am still a virgin, I don't flirt, and I don't dress like a slut." He threw his arms up, the sleeves of his sweater flapping as he did so. "You want to tell me that sluts wear clothes like this? What about you? How many times have _you _cheated on me in the past 5 months?" his voice was quiet as he spoke but his attitude was loud.

Eric smiled. He loved seeing Alan being tough because he knew deep down, Alan was tough. Alan knew how to fight and he didn't take any bull shit from people. Sure, people at work liked to pick on him, but when someone said something to Alan that was offensive and obviously not true, he would point out that it was BS and then he would get back to work. He and Grell got into fights that ended up in hair pulling and trips to the doctor for injuries. Of course, Alan would feel bad and apologize but Grell would only bark insults right back at him and of course the fights were very rare.

This made Eric wonder. Where did Alan learn how to fight?

Pal threw a hard punch across Alan's face, causing the skinny boy to fall back and hit his head on the chair by the computer with a loud _**THUMP.**_

This is when Eric started to panic. _"Alan!"_

Alan groaned and grabbed his head. Before he could stand up, Pal had grabbed Alan by the sweater and slammed his fist in Alan's face before throwing him into a wall.

"Fucking whore." Pal cussed at Alan.

Alan put his hands on the wall to help himself stand. His nose was bleeding, and his face was bruised.

"I didn't say you could get up." Pal's voice was heard as a hand grabbed around Alan's thigh and pulled him back to the ground. Before he knew it, Alan was being hung upside down by his thigh by Pal.

"You're heavy you know."

That was a lie of course. Alan was merely skin and bone and Eric has held Alan many times before to know that he was only 107 pounds. Maybe lighter.

"I'm 16, of course I'm going to be heavy." It was silence before the next two words left Alan's lips "Ass hole."

"White trash." Pal dropped Alan on his head then kicked him in the gut, earning a cry of pain from the younger male.

Eric didn't know why he was just standing there watching. Was not getting caught seriously more important than saving his don in distress!? Eric didn't have his scythe, that was okay, he could kill Pal with his hands. Before he got a chance to break through the window, Pal was pulled to the floor by his ankle and Alan got on top straddling the older male's waist. Eric was confused until Alan threw a strikingly hard punch across Pal's face.

And another.

And another.

Soon Pal's face was a bloody mess and he was screaming cuss words at Alan, telling him to get off and that he was going lock him in the closet with gasoline again.

Alan didn't seem to listen to anything Pal's sinful threat. He was pissed, he was beyond pissed. He was so pissed words couldn't explain. His body was over flowed with agony, self hatred, or just hatred in general, along with confusion.

Alan was kicked off of Pal, he hit the floor hard, the back of his head making an impact with the floor. Pal got on top of him, in between his legs causing Alan to growl.

"I'm in between your legs and you're not doing any-"

Alan hooked his leg around Pal's waist and flipped him on his back and punched him again.

Eric had enough of this guy. He opened the window and went in the living room.

"Alan!" Eric wrapped his arm around Alan's waist and went to pull him off of Pal but Alan elbowed him in the side and punched Pal again. "Alan! Get a hold of yerself!" he hugged Alan's waist and pulled him off.

"Eric! What the hell, let me go!" he yelled.

Eric kept an arm around Alan's waist as he looked at Pal. By now, Alan had stopped trying to fight.

Pal's face was a bloody mess. He stood, eyeing Alan as if he was going to literally murder him. Eric removed his arm from Alan's waist and pushed Alan behind him so he was hidden from Pal.

"Who the fuck are you!" Pal yelled at Eric.

"Eh. Alan's boyfriend."

Pal stared at Eric then glanced at Alan who was peeking over Eric's arm over at Pal to see his reaction.

Before he knew it, Pal was charging towards Eric with a chef's knife, yelling in rage. Eric, who was standing perfectly still, kept his eyes on Pal. Alan tugged on Eric's jacket. "Eric, come on! He is going to kill-!"

Before Alan could finish his sentence, there was a loud _**SPLAT **_and a spot of blood had found it's way onto Alan's cheek. Alan felt his eyes widen.

Eric was…

Alan clutched Eric's arm with his hand and looked up at him "Eric!" he was surprised to see Eric standing there normally. He looked at Alan.

"It's ok." Eric said as he ran his hand through Alan's hair.

Alan was confused but mostly scared. Eric was stabbed! And he was acting like nothing happened! His eye darted down to Eric chest then his stomach and was shocked to see Eric completely fine. A few spots of blood on his white button up but other than that nothing!

Alan looked at Pal and realized what had happened.

Pal was on his knees gasping for air, the knife plunged into the left side of his stomach. "Alan…" he said. Alan just looked at him. He wanted to know what Pal's last words were. Was he going to apologize for torturing Alan for the past couple of months? "You…"

"What is it?" Alan asked quietly.

"You…fag…" he fell on his face, a puddle of blood slowly forming on the carpeted floor.

Alan took a step back. "Is he…?"

"Yeah." Eric looked at Alan "Come on, let's go. I'll take ya back to yer place at the bar." He took Alan's hand and left the house, leaving no traces that they were ever there.

* * *

Alan set his bag by the window and flopped back on his bed with a sigh.

"It feels good to know that heavy weight is off of my shoulders." He turned his head and looked at Eric "But…was killing him really necessary?"

"If I didn't kill him he would've come back and killed ya." He sat on the bed beside Alan whose bangs were covering his face again. He moved the bangs out of his face "You gotta pretty face. Stop hidin' it."

Alan smiled and turned his head away from Eric "That's what you would say to girls you know."

Eric couldn't help but smile in return "Well what did'ya expect me to say? You got really feminine features in your face. Not just on ya face but ya got a feminine body too."

"Are you saying I'm a 'pretty boy'?" Alan asked, looking back at Eric.

"I ain't gonna say yer a man if that's what ya mean."

"I am too a man!"

"No you ain't. Ya look too much like a girl to be a man. Not to mention ya really like flowers, singin'and dancin'."

Alan's face grew red "H-how do you know all that?" he demanded.

"Alan, yer homework is nothing but A's and flower doodles." Alan's face grew redder. "And ya always singin'. Yer singin' when ya in the shower, ya sing yerself to sleep when yer alone at night, ya sing when you draw, ya sing when yer doin' chores, and you enjoy dancin' when yer by yerself." Eric was about to say 'And ya like to slow dance in the living room when it's just me and you' but he knew he couldn't give too much away.

"Heh. And I know you can't cook unless you have a full recipe in front of you."

Alan sat up "_Excuse you!"_ Alan's face grew red, he quickly covered his mouth in total embarrassment. Then, to his horror, Eric started to laugh causing Alan's face to grow red like a tomato. "Shut up! It's not funny! I'm still going through puberty!"

Eric continued to laugh "Shouldn't ya be over that by now?"

"No! Some people live with puberty longer than others!"

"That explains why ya can't grow facial or body hair." Eric teased.

"Shut up!" the younger male hit the older in the arm, not hard, it was more so playful then anything.

Eric laughed some more and put an arm around Alan. "I'm just messin' with ya Alan."

Alan looked away face red "It's not very funny." He mumbled.

"Hey," Eric said, taking Alan's chin and lifting it so they were both looking at each other's eyes "I'm just try'na make ya smile." Alan looked at Eric.

Why did he care if Alan was happy? Alan's happiness never meant anything to anybody. Until now.

Eric really seemed like he cared.

"Eric…" Alan began softly. "C-can I have a kiss? Please?"

Eric smiled "How can I turn down a cutie like yerself?" he said before taking Alan's lips into his.

The kiss was longer than usual. It wasn't just a quick peck on the lips, it was long and sweet. Alan flinched back slightly, not having experience with kissing. Eric saw this "Here," he said "I'll help ya." he kissed Alan's lips again and deepened it before licking Alan's bottom lip. Alan tried to register what was meant by that when Eric started to suck on the bottom lip earning a small gasp from Alan.

Eric sneaked his tongue into Alan's mouth and explored it causing the smaller male to moan in response and push his tongue against Eric's. The arm that was around Alan moved and Eric's hand was tangled in Alan's hair as he was kissing him.

Alan shifted. It wasn't the most comfortable position to be kissing in. It was very similar to kissing in a car, it wasn't comfortable at all. Eric felt this too and gently pushed Alan back onto the mattress, their lips never parting for even a second. Eric leaned over Alan and sucked on his tongue gently, earning a slight squeak from Alan. He traced his tongue across Alan's jawline and then licked down the length of Alan's neck.

Alan gasped obviously in pleasure. "Ah...mm..."

Alan's knees were poking Eric in the ribs. He gently opened Alan's legs to allow more access and then got in between them making the younger blush. Eric traced kisses down Alan's neck, sucking and biting occasionally all the while earning sounds from Alan that was like music to the older's ears.

He kissed Alan again, his hand traveled up Alan's sweater and caressed his waist then his hips even with the XS tank top in the way, Eric could already tell Alan was very slim. Alan wrapped his arms around Eric's neck.

"Jesus Christ." he moaned quietly in between kisses "Eric..."

"Let's take this big ol' sweater off of ya." he rolled the sweater up Alan's chest and pulled the sweater off then tossed it aside. He stroked Alan's hips some more before sucking on Alan's tongue again and then stroking Alan's inner thighs. Alan got the hang of the kissing thing and began to kiss back as much as Eric was kissing him which Eric enjoyed. Alan was always a good kisser.

Alan untucked to older's button up shirt and slid his hands up it and let his hands explore Eric's chest. He realized Eric was very muscular and had abs, something Alan always wanted.

Eric's hands traveled from Alan's thighs, to his hips and then Alan's chest. Eric was about to take off Alan's tank top until Alan's phone rang on the end table causing both of the males to jump and stop kissing. They remained in that position,staring at each other until Alan reached over and answered his phone "Yes, h-hello...what?"

Eric sat up, allowing Alan to sit on the edge of the bed. He could hear a female's voice on the other end of the phone.

"Right now?" Alan asked. "..Oh, ok...yeah, see you soon..." he hung up and looked at Eric "My mum wants me home."

"Yer mum?" Eric felt alarmed but didn't show it.

"She knows I've been ditching school and he wants to talk with me." he got his sweatshirt on and stood.

"Well yer dad ain't gonna be there right?" Eric asked, completely forgetting his shirt was unbuttoned.

Alan took a deep breath"I don't know. I don't know Eric." his face was a look of utter distress.

"Want me to come with ya just in case?"

"No. If my dad is there then I'll just take whatever beating he has in store for me."

Eric hesitated. "Fine. I'll be here, that ok with ya?"

"Of course. You said you had no where else to go. But you have to promise me something."

Eric looked at Alan "Depending on the promise." he has never made a promise with Alan and broken it. Except maybe the lies about all the souls he has collected. He lied to Alan saying he was going to hang out with Ronald when he was really going hunting for souls. Never mind. Eric's broken many promises with Alan and has lied to him many many times.

"You have to stay here and promise you won't follow me." Alan said.

Eric swallowed. He really wanted to go with Alan and make sure he was going to be ok. But he didn't want to lie to this Alan or break a promise.

"I promise." he said.

"Thank you." Alan was debating on whether he should kiss Eric or not, he no longer had to when Eric gave him a quick kiss on the lips. Alan gave a weak smile before leaving.

Eric watched Alan out the window. He twirled around twice before skipping around the corner of a building where Eric could no longer see him.

Eric smiled.

He was glad Alan was finally happy.

* * *

**AUTHOR'S NOTES:**

**Thanks to my ADHD, This ended up taking me 7 hours to write. Urghh...**

**And I found myself listening to Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, and currently listening to Drake Bell. UGH! I was looking for Ke$ha and got fucking Paris Hilton and Britney Spears! Drake Bell was a sweet victory _ **

**I'm a _Bell-iever._**

**Meh. There's your make out scene. Shitty make out scene. I don't usually write stuff like this that's why it was so short.**

*****LEAVE A REVIEW **

**This story will be wrapping up soon. It should be another 3 chapters until it ends. **

**Thank you for reading :)**

**EDIT: **

**My mind was so numb I forgot to explain one thing**

**"Don in Distress" -Just like "Damsel in Distress", however, "Don" is the male noun for "Damsel". So instead of Damsel, Alan is a Don. (even though Alan doesn't qualify as a real man. Sorry Alan. I still love you _)  
**


	6. Chapter 6

**AUTHOR'S NOTES:**

**Just got back from the movies.**

**My friend came over and we were reading each other's fanfictions out loud and we realized how weird, horrible and just plain awkward our fanfics really are. **

**I'm writing this in the bathroom because it's the only place I can write without being interrupted. Also, if I want to read a doujinshi, I don't have to worry about my mother walking in during the sex scenes or right when they're talking about doing each other. Oops, there I go being a pervert again. **

**I was shocked when I got a text from my gf, apparently she is prostituting now. I don't know how much more heartbreak I can take from her. She claims she needs money...I think it's a load of bull shit though.**

**I didn't get any reviews on the last chapter so I assume it sucked. Don't worry; this story is almost done so you won't have to put up with my writing anymore.**

**Also this chapter took me WEEKS to finish and the author's note you just read is from July 26-27, I forget the exact date.**

*****WARNINGS: Drugs, Alcohol, Language.**

* * *

CHAPTER 6

"Ouch! Fuck." Eric hissed under his breath, taking his hand out of Alan's bag, the one he found under his bed, and shaking his hand in pain "Godammit Alan!"

After 10 minutes of Alan being gone, Eric got bored and began looking through Alan's bag. He wasn't paying any attention to what his fingers were brushing against and he cut his finger on a very sharp utility blade.

"What the hell was that?" he asked as he tried to clean up his finger. He looked in the bag and he felt himself get a feeling of pure fear. "Hell no." he picked the bottom of the bag up with his good hand and dumped everything out onto the floor, giving it a few shakes to be sure everything was out.

2 water bottles, some rope, 4 pill cases with medicine still in them, a syringe, a balloon of meth, 3 utility blades, 5 double edges, a craft blade, and 2 packs of cigarettes.

Eric took everything except the water bottles and threw them in a trash can then carried it down to the bar and went out the back door to the dumpster and dumped everything out. He then went back upstairs; put the trash can back where it was and put the water bottles back in the bag before tossing the bag under the bed and sitting on the bed.

He then smelled something a little odd. It smelled like...alcohol?

Yes, that was definitely alcohol he was smelling, the Scotsman new alcohol when he smelled it. That's when he realized what the liquid in the two water bottles were. They were totally filled with nothing but tequila. Eric growled and dumped both of them onto the wooden floor, the alcohol seeping into the rotting floor boards and dripping onto a bar stool which was on the first floor.

He sighed and held his head in his hands, his elbows resting on his knees.

He just wanted to see Alan's sin and get the hell out of this nightmare. Seeing his Alan suffer always pained his heart and it scared him even more seeing all the kinds of stuff Alan owned as a human. He wanted to know where Alan got the razors. Probably from people at school who would give it to him and tell him to slice his wrists and he probably found that rope in the garbage seeing how worn out it was. He wanted to know where Alan was getting his cigarettes more than anything and what idiot was selling them to a minor.

He wondered at what age Alan began doing all this. The self harming, the drugs, the dealing. He always _always _thought of Alan to be a very smart young man, and also a very strong one. True, he was weakened constantly by the Thorns Of Death, but living with it every day of his life made Alan strong in Eric's eyes.

Just then something interrupted Eric's thoughts. It was a voice, Alan's voice as a matter of fact. He looked out the window to see Alan walking with a woman with long brown hair, pretty brown eyes and freckles that marked her face. She looked to be in her late 20's or early 30's. She was very short, a little shorter than Alan, they were holding small cups of ice cream, Alan had barely touched his but he was doing something Eric hasn't seen since he got here.

He was smiling.

* * *

"And this is my room." Alan introduced quietly, tossing his bag in the corner by his closet.

Eric looked around. The room was even smaller once you were in it. Alan had clothes randomly thrown all over the floor, the room smelled like smoke and dead flowers. The source of the dead flowers came from Alan's dresser, where he had piles of various flowers, all dead.

Alan sat on his bed "They used to be alive..." he said quietly.

"Yeah, I can tell." Eric looked at them. He couldn't recognize them since they were all shriveled brown and crusty. He wondered if Alan knew the languages even as a teenager. "You know what these are?" he asked, referring to the type as he picked one of the shriveled flowers up.

Alan nodded rather shyly when Eric asked this. "The one in your hand is a shriveled Anemone, which stands for sickness but can also stand for unfading love and anticipation." Alan told him slowly.

"Really now?" Eric replied. He then noticed a bundle of 16 roses, he doesn't know what color they used to be but he could recognize what flower they were. He put the Anemone down. "Who got ya the roses?" he asked.

"My sister, Alice." Alan replied, his voice staying that silent pitch "The one who is deceased. She gave them to me for my 16th birthday." He shyly tugged on his sweater sleeve, he enjoyed sharing his knowledge of flowers with someone but it was a worthless thing to know, and not to mention gay as hell. That's what Alan thought but Eric thought it was a very unique trait Alan carried. "They were white and red, and together they stand for united. United friends or siblings, partners even."

Eric smiled. Despite the personality differences with this younger Alan compared to his older one, Alan has and always will be able to tell Eric all the flower languages which was really good, it helped Eric pick the types of flowers he would give Alan on nights Eric had to work late. By 'work late' it really meant 'illegally collecting 1000 souls to rid Alan of his horrible disease'.

Eric hated thinking of the fact that he was a murderer for Alan; it made Eric even more upset when Alan got mad and didn't appreciate it.

Eric's smile faded at the thought. He gently took one of Alan's hands, who turned his head and looked at Eric questionably before being turned the whole way by the waist. Eric held Alan around the waist with one hand and held Alan's left hand with his own, he then began to slowly turn on his feet along with Alan.

"Eric?" Alan spoke as they slow danced in the small, cramped room. "What-"

"Just think of it as an apology." Eric interrupted.

"Apology?" Alan was spun by the waist. "For what?"

"Mistakes I'll make in the future." Eric caught Alan in his arms and held him before spinning him back out.

Alan didn't quite seem to understand what Eric was talking about but said nothing, not wanting his dance with Eric to end. Alan had only slow danced with Alice before, and that was when they were younger at their uncle's wedding who was now deceased having died in a motor vehicle accident along with his aunt. His only family was Sam, his mother Jaclyn and father Luther.

Eric saw Alan glance away at the mere thought of his sister being gone and he kissed him sweetly on the lips and said "Don't think about anything else, just think about us and the dancin' fer now."

The brunette blushed at the older male and gave a weak smile "R-right."

* * *

The light from the full moon shined through Alan's cracked and damaged window, causing the light to shine onto the wall in different triangular patterns, it was a pretty sight and the light from the moon caused Alan to sleep more peacefully than he would at the bar.

They danced for an hour or so until Alan began to feel heavy and rest his head on the older's chest as they danced, his eyes slowly shut, when Eric realized how tired Alan had gotten, he began to sing to him. He sung Alan a Scottish lullaby he learned from his mother a long while back until the younger of the two fell asleep, his feet stopping and his body leaning against the older's chest for support.

Eric covered Alan up, seeing that the male was cozy and snug in his bed. Once he felt that Alan was comfortable, he laid down beside Alan, pulled the covers up to his shoulder so he could look down and see Alan's sleeping face tilted downward as he was curled up now.

Eric smiled gently, putting an arm around Alan to hold him securely close to his chest, protecting him from anything that might come to harm his sweet brunette as he slumber before he himself fell into a deep sleep.

* * *

**AUTHOR'S NOTES:**

**THAT certainly took longer than I expected. I kept telling my friends 'I'm uploading it tonight' or 'I will be finished with it tonight' but it never happened and all I can say is that I was really depressed, had Drivers ED to go to, I've been eating lately so that always puts me in a bad mood.**

**I don't know what it is but ever since I've overdosed on Concerta I've been eating almost without a problem. Can I stress the word _almost?_**

**Also I had to buy new razors since my mother found and threw my old ones out. Oh well, I bought better ones :) **

**And I haven't talked to my girlfriend in a while...except for today. She wanted me to come over and have a three some with her fuck buddy, I just want to cuddle so I didn't reply. I really like her but...I don't know what I feel anymore. I only feel hate for everyone around me and I feel like they are just going to break me every time. It seems like all my relationships have had me feeling like a worthless slut, or I have been giving love, feeling like I need to in order to be in a happy relationship. **

**I want one of those relationships where I can watch anime, curled up against my lover's side and make fun of the little things the characters do and have Falling In Reverse, Creature Feature or Get Scared blaring as we do house work. Is that too much to ask? With as little sex as possible? I mean don't get me wrong, sex is good but my girlfriend makes it too much. **

*****Leave a review! Helps encourage me to write more. **

**Maybe 2 more chapters until this story wraps up.**


	7. Chapter 7

**AUTHOR'S NOTES: **

**I'm honestly just writing this chapter to get my mind off the panic attack that is sure to come. I lost my new bag of razors and I'm only content if I have them in my hands or by my bedside. Right now I have a terrified feeling in my chest and stomach. No, I am not scared that my mother has found them, I just really need to cut at the moment and just the fact that I can't do it is almost too much for me.**

**And I am changing my pen name, so my parents can't stalk my fanfiction like they are my tumblr, so be prepared for that. It is now 'thatbadgirllovesme' and it will most likely be changed once more.**

**This chapter will have a lot of description in it and less talking. Sorry about that.**

*****WARNINGS: Molestation, Language, Smoking.**

**The molesting is in the the beginning in italic, so you can skip it if you want. It was really hard for me to write.**

**Oh, thank you so very much for the replies :) I loved them!**

* * *

CHAPTER 7

_"Stop!" Alan screamed at the very top of his lungs._

_"Or what?" Sam sneered "You like this kind of thing don't you?"_

_"No!"_

_Sam had Alan pinned to the floor of his bedroom, the mildew stench along with the fact Alan had just shot some heroin made it impossible for him to fight back. This is what Sam planned, he planned to get Alan in his room while the brunette was high and utterly defenseless, the mildew made him dizzy and the drug made him unable to focus on what was going on but Alan knew what was going on as soon as he was pushed and held down by Sam's heavy body, something bad was going to happen and he was right._

_At first, Alan was so high, he could only weakly push at Sam's shoulders at the moment, now even more high and panicking, he was screaming and trying to kick Sam off of him but it proved to be a very useless act so he just settled on screaming as Sam's hands violated Alan in every way possible._

_Alan cried out for help, tears running down his face, loud heavy sobs and Sam's voice were the only sounds that filled the room. He called for his sister, his mother his father but no one came to his rescue. He gave up quickly and began bawling his eyes out as he was violated further._

_"Aw, you're cryin'." Sam said, in a child like tone. "How cute."_

_"Sam…!" Alan cried "Please stop! I don't like this! I don't like this at all!"_

_Alan has expected a lot of things from Sam, molestation was not one of them. His brother has mortified, demeaned, and terrified him at school for being homosexual, molestation was going way too far and Alan knew this._

_"Stop!" Alan screamed at the top of his lungs._

_"What do you mean!" Alice yelled at the jury. "How could you unanimously vote on something like this!?"_

_"Young lady," the judge said in warning tone "The court has made it's decision."_

_"I object!" Alice screamed, hitting her fist against the witness stand which she was currently standing behind._

_"This case has closed." The judge said simply._

_Alice couldn't believe what was happening. Her little brother, the same little brother who she saved from countless asthma attacks at night, the same little brother she looked out for, had his face hidden in his hands, his shoulders shaking._

_She left the witness stand and went up to Alan. "Alan…" she gently touched his shoulder._

_"I have nothing to say." He replied._

* * *

Alan awoke, it was dark and the moonlight was no longer shining in the window. Eric was asleep, snoring slightly with his arm around Alan, holding him closely. Alan turned and looked at his alarm clock.

A little after midnight.

He knew he wouldn't be able to get back to sleep, and he was shaken up badly by his nightmare. His breathing started to pick up as he gently lifted Eric's arm off of him and got up. He left the room and walked down the hall quietly into the bathroom, emptying his plastic bag of needed materials in his raggy back pack.

He was not going to stay under the same roof with his naïve mother, abusive father or his fucked up brother, especially not without Alice.

He glanced at his bedroom door, he couldn't stay with Eric, in fear that someone else who tries to help him would get hurt like his sister and if it happened again, Alan wouldn't know what to do with himself.

He dug in the hamper for a change of clothes, finding his black and white flannel shirt along with his denim dark blue skinny jeans, he quickly put them on. The flannel was too big for him and exposed most of his chest even though it was buttoned from the very top to the bottom and his pants had a hole in the knee. He had to put a "Simple Plan" T-shirt underneath the flannel to hide his chest.

Alan slipped on his black Doc Martins and glanced out the bathroom window. He heard thunder in the distance, indicating a storm coming.

_"Perhaps I should bring a blanket."_

Alan left the bathroom and slowly and quietly made his way down the creaky stairs, the bottom ones were destroyed from Luther throwing Sam into them so Alan had to jump over them, only making a small 'tap' as his feet hit the floor.

The brunette made his way into the kitchen, not bothering to turn on the light, in fear he would wake someone. He carefully opened the pantry, grabbed the box of Clif Bars and dumped them in his book bag before zipping it up and leaving through the back door, lighting a cigarette as it started to lightly rain.

* * *

_"Eric?"_

_Eric looked over at his beloved and smiled "Yeah, Alan?"_

_"You won't ever leave me, right?" he asked, his head tilted down and his eyes fixed on the ground._

_Eric couldn't help but be a little surprised at this question. "Course I ain't gonna leave ya." He replied. "What gave ya that idea?"_

_Alan played with his fingers in a very troublesome matter "Well…"_

_The way Alan was acting worried Eric. Alan has been like this for the past 2 weeks more depressed than usual that is. Eric paid little mind to it considering Alan was always depressed and the fact that he wasn't smiling as often was normal too. Ronald and more than half of the office can agree that neither of them have seen Alan smile, maybe just to be friendly but not a ligament smile._

_"Somethin' wrong?" Eric questioned, trying to get a good look of Alan's face to see if he was crying or not. "Al?"_

_"I just," the brunette's voice quieted again "Don't want you to die…"_

_"Die?" Eric smiled "I ain't gonna die, Al. I'm stay'in right here." He took Alan's hands in his own "What makes ya think I'm gonna die?"_

_"It's just, uh…" Alan's fingered entwined with Eric's and he didn't say anything else._

_Eric knew something was wrong with his sweet Alan and he didn't know why Alan couldn't tell him. Was it because Alan didn't know how to say it without causing much worry to Eric? Or was it the fact that he simply couldn't say it, as if it was a secret he has bottled up inside him that he wants to let out but he is too scared of being rejected? Either way, Eric was not going to question it anymore._

_"Yer cute ya know that?" he said, trying to cheer Alan up._

_It worked; Alan smiled and wiped some escaped tears from his face "You aren't the sharpest tool in the shed, Eric." as if saying 'you don't know what you're talking about'_

_"That's cuz I'm a blonde." He smiled and pointed at himself with his thumb "I'm allowed to be a bit dumb."_

_Alan chuckled a little bit "Eric, you aren't even a blonde."_

_"So I know what I'm sayin' when I say yer the cutest thing." He gave Alan a peck on the lips. "Love ya darlin'."_

_Alan smiled "I love you too, Eric."_

* * *

Eric's eyes opened and he found himself staring at the ceiling, the blanket was hanging off of him and the pillow Alan used was crooked and under Eric's head, the sound of heavy rain and thunder was noticeable and the clock read 3:25am.

Eric's hands went to his face and he groaned loudly. "How could I 'ave been so stupid? I should've kept askin' the kid what was wrong until he told me." He felt like a failure as a boyfriend.

Alan had lost his sister because she would protect him and now Eric was the one protecting Alan. The blonde now knew what was wrong with Alan and why he attempted suicide. He couldn't bear to see Eric disappear from his life, he was having a panic attack of painful memories and he was terrified, he just couldn't live with any of it anymore. Now that this was to Eric's attention, he recalled his phone vibrating a few times before he walked through the front door and found his beloved in the bathroom, wrists slit and everything. Alan tried to contact him, tried to tell Eric that he was in trouble but Eric didn't even bother to look at his phone as he was doing his illegal killing.

He wondered just how many times his phone really went off.

The thought made him feel absolutely horrible.

"Sorry Alan…" he said quietly, only to look over and see that Alan wasn't next to him. "Alan?" he sat up and scanned the floor, it was dark and hard to see, Eric put his glasses on and left the room quietly, seeing the bathroom light was kept on, he tapped the door with his finger, so as not to wake his parents or Sam. "Alan, you in there?" he whispered as he opened the door.

When he saw Alan's clothes on the floor he knew Alan changed his clothes, but for what reason?

There was no way Alan went outside right?

Could it be that he ran away from home during a storm without telling Eric?

Eric didn't deny it at all, except for the fact that Alan was terrified of lightning. It wasn't thunder or rain that scared Alan, it was the lighting and the really strong winds of a storm that scared Alan.

Eric put his jacket and gloves on and left the house through Alan's window, jumping from roof to roof looking for him having as little luck as possible in finding him.

The rain was coming down hard, the streets were empty, and lights from the street lamps glistened off the wet black roads. Eric landed on both feet in the middle of the road then scanned his surroundings.

Just a normal road, there was quite a bit of thunder and many flashes of lightning, the rain was pouring down so hard that it loosened Eric's cornfields he had in his hair. He decided to take the hair tie out of his head and toss it.

"Alan!" he yelled. "Alan!"

Eric walked up the street, peeking in alleys, in store windows and he even woke some humans up asking if they have seen Alan. He was invited to go inside to escape the storm but he declined. He needed to find his Alan.

After wondering the streets for a little over an hour, Eric was beginning to give up hope and the worst possible thoughts began racing through his head.

What if Alan was kidnapped and he couldn't find him? What if Alan is drinking himself to death, or smoking marijuana until he blacks out? What if the cancer has finally killed him?

Just as Eric was about to head back so he could check to see if Alan went back home, his eyes caught sight of the skinny male in the back seat of a car.

"Alan!"

Alan was ok, he was not harmed in anyway but he was soaking wet. His body was leaned against the door with his arms crossed over his chest, asleep.

Eric guessed Alan had gotten terrified of the lightning and had a panic attack then ran to shelter, the only shelter being the backseat of a vehicle with its doors unlocked, fortunately.

Eric opened the door and gently picked the frail one out of the vehicle. Putting his jacket over Alan, he carried the male back to his house.

Eric climbed in Alan's window. Once inside, he laid the younger down on the bed, the shift caused the brunette to wake up slightly and look up at the older male who was holding his hand.

Alan didn't say anything to Eric for dragging him back home. No 'thank you'. No 'Why did you do that'. Nothing.

Eric guessed he was in shock from the lightning. He sat the younger up and began to take off his wet flannel shirt when Alan slapped his hand away and asked "What are you doing?" in a confused and surprised tone.

"Takin' those wet clothes off so ya don't get sick."

"No!" Alan said in disbelief. "Why would I let you take off my clothes!?"

"Well ya let me take off ya shirt when we were makin' out the other night." The blonde mumbled.

"That wasn't my shirt it was my sweater." The younger mumbled frowning, pulling the blanket up to his chest so Eric couldn't make another attempt at removing his clothes. Honestly, Alan had no idea how Eric could just say things like 'Ya let me take off yer shirt last night when we were makin' out' Had he no shame?

"If ya want, I can turn around but you have to get out of those clothes so you don't catch a cold."

Alan kept frowning at Eric. "Fine. Turn around."

Eric obeyed, sitting on the bed and turning his head away from Alan. _"I've seen ya naked before." _is what he wanted to say.

Alan worked on slipping his flannel over his head, then his T-shirt. He then pulled his Doc Martins and socks and tossed them both to the corner of the cramped room and unbuttoned his pants then slid them off his hips when there was a voice.

"Oh my God."

Alan and Eric looked up at Sam who was standing in the doorway with the smuggest smile on his face and his arms crossed.

* * *

**AUTHOR'S NOTES: **

**Sorry for the cliffhanger there. :/ **

**Sorry this chapter was really boring, next one will be more entertaining I promise. **

**ALSO, the main reason I changed my pen name is because 2 of my friends want me to make a yuri smut with fem!Alan and fem!Eric and I don't need my parents stalking my blog and then seeing a graphic smut. Things are already awkward between all of of as it is :P**

*****REVIEWS HELP!**


	8. Chapter 8

**AUTHOR'S NOTES: **

**I am SO sorry this has taken so long to be updated. I'm in an upcoming play and I have been practicing my lines! Not only that but I have the same bullshit excuse as everyone else, school.**

**The play is in 5 days and we just had a big overnight painting session last night, I only stayed until 9 but we usually stay at the school and work on the play until 1 or 2am. No joke. It's a lot of fun though.**

**I'm singing, so the writing might not make any sense and I'm under a lot of pressure. Basically, this chapter is going to suck but, hey, it's ok because this is the final chapter. This starts out kinda dark but it gets a little more happier.**

**There is going to be a fight scene in this chapter so this chapter is going to be much longer than the other ones, I still hope you enjoy it, I'm honestly not used to writing fight scenes but I've done them before so I hope I get this right. **

*****WARNINGS: Language, Blood, Suicide, Violence  
**

* * *

Chapter 8

All three men sat and stared at each other for what seemed like forever until Sam smiled that smug smile of his. "I'm telling dad!" and bolted down the hallway towards the stairs.

Alan felt a weight on his chest, the feeling of fear. Quickly pulling his pants up he ran after his older brother. "Samual!"

Eric was quick to his feet, images of what could possibly happen ran through his mind. He ran after Alan, before coming to an immediate stop at the top of the stairs. His feet slid a little but he was able to catch himself before he made a face plant down the stairs and hid behind the corner, after his eye saw the scene below the stairs.

Alan and Sam stood beside each other, the woman Alan was with earlier was laying dead at their feet, a bullet wound through her head and her brains blown out on the floor and some on the bottom part of the back of the front door. Her face was covered by her long brown hair that seemed to fall right over her eyes and lips.

The woman was their mother.

Alan, obviously experiencing a mix of emotion, not sure what he should feel looked over at Sam who was staring at the woman, his eyes wide and his jaw dropped.

"I…" the blonde shook his head and looked at the smaller brunette. "This is _your_ fault you little fag!"

Alan looked at Sam with an 'are you fucking kidding me' jester before yelling back "How is this my fault!? I was upstairs with my friend-"

"Fucking!"

"We were not! You are-" he looked at the ceiling then the walls as he threw his hands up in frustration, he was stuttering, trying to think of the right word to call his idiot of a brother while also on the verge of tears. There were so many things he wanted to call Sam, so many things to tell Sam exactly what he was. Everything was happening so fast.

Alan grabbed his head and he _screamed. _

Sam covered his ears, the screaming was so loud Alan almost didn't hear himself and felt his ear drum being pierced. Everything was coming out, it had been bottled inside of him for so long and it was finally coming out.

Talking never helped anything, breaking things wasn't a healthy way of letting go, harming yourself or others, none of it helped. Screaming released all the pain and hate that had been 'hidden' inside of Alan.

Alan didn't' know exactly how long he had screamed and he really didn't care. When he finally stopped screaming, he heard the sound of heavy footsteps coming towards him and Sam from the kitchen. Eric was about to act when Sam grabbed Alan's arm and put Alan behind him as if hiding him from what was to come.

"Way to go, loose ass." Sam mumbled.

The heavy steps got louder and louder until they stopped and in the doorway of the kitchen was the teens' father, Luther. In his hand he held a gun, the one he used to shoot Jaclyn. The gun hung at his side, his finger on the trigger as he stared at the two teenagers, his blonde bangs hanging in his face, dripping with sweat. He was heated and it took no time before both teens could tell their lives were in danger.

When Eric heard the footsteps, he didn't know what to expect. He didn't know if someone had broken into the house and killed Jaclyn or if Jaclyn killed herself out in spite of herself. When he saw Luther with that gun in his hands and his hair hiding the eyes of a murderer, he felt that protectiveness he had always felt with Alan. He swept his scythe out and made a dash half way down the stairs then jumped to the bottom. He ran towards the two teens and jumped out in front of them with his scythe in hand, ready for battle.

Luther shot his gun, a loud bang filling the house. The reaper flung his scythe in front of him, using it as a shield for his body, but the bullet went right through Eric as if he was a ghost and a loud cry of pain erupted from behind the Scotsman. He turned around to see Sam standing there with a bullet in his chest, blood already going all the way down his shirt as he fell to his knees, placing his hand over the wound while Alan let out yet another scream and stepped back away from his brother, not knowing what to do.

Sam fell forward, not a word was said as he fell face down onto the floor and grew limp.

Alan's scream was interrupted by Luther's yell.

"Shut up boy! 'For I put a bullet through your brain just like your mother!"

"Just do it already!" The brunette yelled. "This world is so full of so many horrible things! There isn't anything worth living for! I was born alone in this world and I won't ever find someone who shares the same pain!"

"No Alan!" Eric yelled but for some reason, Alan acted as if his didn't hear Eric nor did he seem to notice that Eric was literally standing right in front of him. He seemed to just look right through him and Eric didn't understand until there was another gunshot and Alan dove for the ground, right through Eric and fell on his stomach.

Alan placed his hands on his head to block it in case a bullet would fly towards his head, it would be protected.

Eric now knew what was happening, the vile was wearing off and he was slowly fading away. He could no longer interact with Alan or anyone else from this time. He didn't have much more before he completely disappeared; Eric had to make it count. He hoped more than anything he wouldn't have to see Alan suffer anymore, he hoped something good will happen and that there would be a happy ending.

Luther aimed the gun right for Alan's head and shot just as Alan rolled out of the way and onto his feet, he ran a few steps, avoiding the bullets which were flying right past him, stopping just in time for a bullet to fly inches away from his face, he let out a terrified yell. Snapping his head to stare directly at his father, he had the look of pure fear in his eyes as he bit down on his bottom lip hard. Suddenly, there was a sharp pain in his leg.

Alan looked down to see a circular wound in his shin where blood gushed out quickly with no pauses. He let out a sharp cry of pain as his leg gave out and he collapsed on the floor while Luther approached him, gun in hand and all.

At this point, Eric really was nothing but a ghost, his body had grown quite cold and he saw right through his hands. It was time to go. But was this it? Was there nothing more to see? Was Alan just an innocent young man that everyone looked at and saw? Was there really no sin to him? Had he seen all of Alan's secrets?

No.

As the gun was loaded to the last bullet and was held up to the small man's head, Alan decided he wasn't going to die, not like this. He was going to stand up for himself before he died, even if he didn't make it, he was going to try.

"You always were a complete waste of space." Luther said lowly, taking the safety off just as Alan was able to spin on his hip, swing his good leg upwards and kick the pistol out of the man's hands.

The gun flew straight up out of Luther's hands, who yelled out in anger and slight pain. The small brunette jumped up using his one leg to catch the gun, then came back down on both legs, causing his small frame to fall to the ground once more.

The angry adult raised his fist and brought it down to Alan's face as he rolled out of the way, dropping the gun in his attempt to get away. _"Oh no!" _His father dove for the gun, he kicked the adult as hard as he could, which really wasn't hard at all, and screamed "Leave me alone!" he punched Luther's chest until the adult decided enough was enough. He grabbed Alan by the throat and threw him into the living room right into the television head first.

The teen turned his body so his back was the one that crashed into the television, making sure to cover his face with his hands as the impact came within his back, falling on the rug on his side he winced in pain then looked up the be eye to eye with his father and the pistol. One of which looked completely pissed off, _dangerously _unstable with the amount of anger shown in his facial features. His teeth were grit, his eyes were red with rage and his breathing was picked up and at that moment Alan swore he was looking death right in the face.

He looked around for something, _anything _he could use to defend himself with. Even if it was just a wooden spoon, he was in desperate need for something to defend himself with or Alan was surely going to die right then and there. He only had a few seconds, the same amount of time Eric had who was watching the scene with the feeling of hopelessness in which he could do nothing to save his beloved flower.

Alan grabbed the nearest item his hand could find, a martial arts sword which was displayed on the living room wall. He did a summersault right as Luther swung the gun in attempt to slam it directly in Alan's temple. Right when Luther was about to run towards Alan, Alan charged with the sword in hand.

"You will not-!" before Alan could finish his sentence, he swung the sword with all his strength to Luther's waist and in a swift motion, the sword sliced right through the adult male, the sword getting stuck in the man's spinal bone.

Alan's eyes changed from anger and hate to scared and utterly shocked with the act he had just done.

Eric felt his own eyes widened at the act. _"Alan!" _

This was Alan's sin. As the body fell with a loud thump, Alan's own legs gave out for the last time as he stared in horror at what he had just done to his father. Not just his father but he was sure he was also the cause of both his sibling's deaths and even the death of his beloved mother.

His sin was murder.

Eric watched in pain as he saw his lover lie there on the floor, holding his chest and tears flowing down his beloved's cheeks. Soft sobs turned into screams of agony and cries of utter regret and so many other emotions.

"Kill me. Just hurry up and _kill_ me!" he screamed. "I want to die! I want to die damn it!" his screams turned into bloody murder right as Eric's vision turned black.

Eric found himself standing in black nothingness. Looking around he found himself face to face with a an old white door, the same door that was the front door of Alan's house. Turning the knob and going inside, Eric stepped into the house which he was just in before nothing surrounded him. Only, this time it was different.

There was police tape surrounding the red stains on the floor where his deceased mother used to lay. More police tape around the gun of Luther's and the sword in which was used to kill the adult male. The white walls were splattered with blood which had been dried to a brown color over time. Eric wondered how long it has been since the incident occurred.

His head snapped and looked at the stairs, seeing the stairs all had dents in them from many people running up and down the stairs, Eric guessed it was the police.

There were blue medic gloves on the floor, white masks doctor's would often wear to prevent the spread of germs, plastic baggies, a pair of tweezers. It seemed as if they were in a hurry for something. Eric looked behind him and saw the door was a different color. It was an old Oak door with a hole where the door knob would have been. He pushed the door open, and stepped through it.

On the other side of the door, was a large room with wooden floors and white walls. The room consisted of two beds with the heads pushed up against the same wall, a window in between the two beds, making plenty of sun shine through the room, the white walls making it even brighter. The room was clean, a few clothes tossed here and there but other than that it was nice and clean with a desk against one of the walls with a nice little lamp set on it and an old CPU computer with a notice on the screen saying a certain website was blocked.

The room was very bright, having no curtains or blinds, there was nothing keeping the sun from filling the whole room with it's bright light. Eric scanned the complete room and found another window with a familiar brunette sitting on it's sill, looking out into the court yard where smaller kids played and adolescents around his age talked and laughed. But what was he doing in here and all alone?

It was an orphanage; Eric saw plainly knowing exactly what it was right off the bat. Alan was probably sent here right after he got back from questioning and since no one in his family was currently alive, he was sent to an orphanage and by the looks of some of the adolescents who had marks from piercings and half covered up tattoos, it was an orphanage for those with behavior problems.

A place Alan did not belong.

Before Eric got a chance to at least approach Alan, a child, probably about the age of 14, entered the room, stepping right through Eric. The young teen had a scar going down the center of his face, ripped up jeans and a red sweatshirt to cover up even more scars was obvious fight. "Hey Alan." He spoke. Alan turned his head to look at the younger one. "Tell Miss. Fraty I'm going to the convenience store. I've been good so I can go across the street and buy something with my allowance."

Alan said nothing, but nodded once in agreement and turned his head to look back out the window. The 14 year old's eyes glanced at the computer screen. "Were you trying to find some porn?"

The older male looked at the younger, his face showed disgust, "Of course not. I am not the man who would shame myself by watching something so putrid which also happens to shame women so disgracefully."

"Riiight. See ya later." The younger said before leaving the room.

Alan turned his head to look back out the window.

"_Take away this pain__  
__That I have created__  
__Because I'm broken and faded__Because I'm living in my own world__  
__No one cares if I stay or go__  
__Away from__  
__Here in my own world__  
__I don't have much to show__  
__One thing I know__Lonely__  
__Has always been friends with me__  
__And I don't know if I could give you what you need and__  
__Lonely__  
__Has always had time for me."_

Eric's vision flashed white then flashed back to the very same room only it was different. Alan was not in the window sill, there were no children playing outside in the court yard, instead there were ambulances and police cars pulling into the long driveway. Alan's scent still lingered in the room along with the familiar smell to any reaper.

The smell of death.

Eric immediately felt an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach, something told him to turn around but the most part of him wanted to keep facing out the window. A sense of true terror filled Eric and it took all he had to turn around and face his very worst nightmare.

There was Alan, his love, his rose, his flower, Eric's world, hanging by a noose at the foot of one of the beds.

Eric thought he might collapse as his eyes widened, his palms became sweaty and trembled, his legs were becoming weak. He couldn't quite describe the feeling but it was the absolute worst feeling he has ever felt.

"**Alan!**" he screamed Alan's name as loud as he could. Repeating the name once more only louder as he slammed his fists into the wall, his mind spinning. _"He killed himself, fucking hell! He killed himself! The kid's hangin' right in front of me!"_

Eric could not stand to look at the sight, he had to turn away, there was no way he could stand to look at what has happened without feeling the need to cry and Eric Slingby out of everyman believed in the lie that crying was for the weak but he couldn't help but put his hand over his mouth and biting down hard in attempt to keep his emotions under control.

Right when he thought he was going to lose his mind, he heard movement. Eric turned his head and was surprised who he found standing there with a scythe in hand and the 'To Die' book in the other.

It was none other than the leader of the Shinigami Dispatch Society, William T. Spears.

"'_Ey…it's the bossman." _Eric thought, the feeling of angst growing as he stared at William.

The elder reaper fixed his glasses with his scythe, eyeing the 'To Die' book with all seriousness. "Alan N. Humpries. You were abused by your father when you showed signs of feminine behaviors at a young age. Tormented by society, you lived a sad, lonely and confusing life until you decided to take your own life on this date of October 22nd, exactly 2 months before your 17th birthday on December 22nd. With your spirit full of anger, hate and sorrow, you beared the loss of your older sister, Alice L. Humpries and mother whose full name is Jacqeline P. Humpries. You witnessed your brother Samual K. Humpries', death and even took the life of your father, Luther R. Humpries."

"_Lil' OCD, boss?" _Eric thought, noticing just how organized William really was, especially with names and dates.

"Except for your uncontrollable emotions," William continued; "you have every quality needed that of a successful reaper." He fixed his glasses once more before closing the book and making it disappear. "Perhaps you may be of some use."

William's eyes glowed, he lifted Alan's chin up and opened the smaller's eyelids with his index finger and his thumb then used his scythe to cut Alan down.

Alan gasped for air, getting on his knees and holding his chest, he took long deep gasps of air as he struggled to catch his breath.

William fixed his glasses and spoke. "Alan Humphries."

Alan took one more gasp of air and lifted his eyes which were no longer brown but a bright shade of green and looked up at William, feeling intimidated by the glare in the well dressed man's eyes. "Wh-Who are you?" he asked quietly then added a little louder; "What did you do to me?"

"William T. Spears." Replied the elder reaper. "I happen to be the leader of he Shinigami Dispatch Association."

"Sh-Shinigami Dispatch…" Alan gasped once more "You are the Grim Reaper?"

William glared hard eyes on the younger male that would have any child crying "Honestly. Humans find great joy in making fun of us reapers."

"Oh!" Alan jumped to his feet "No no! I really didn't mean any offense at all Wi-!"

"You will address me as Mr. Spears from now on." The elder fixed his glasses with his scythe, Alan couldn't help but recognize it as an old gardening tool.

"Mr. Spears…" Alan corrected himself.

"Come now, we have much work to do."

"Mr. Spears." William, with his back now facing Alan, looked over his shoulder at the weaker one. "Are you giving me a new chance?"

"That is entirely up to you Mr. Humphries. Only you can decide what to do with your life and the person you will come out to be, if you choose to start over and make something of yourself you do not need permission to rise above others. Now come, there is much work to be done."

Without having the chance to question, William drew a circle with his scythe and both males faded before disappearing without a trace and Eric found himself disappearing along with them.

* * *

**AUTHOR'S NOTES: **

**Super long chapter! I hope this is alright! **

**I know I said this will be the last chapter but I did not expect it to be this long so I need to squeeze an extra chapter in here, the next chapter will be the last one. **

**Also, has everybody seen the third musical yet? "The most Beautiful DEATH in the World: Revival"? I just watched it two nights ago and I was not pleased with it. I was in a live chat and everyone was disappointed. I really want to know what Yana thought of it. **

**Song used in this: "Lonely" by Drake Bell. **


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